I went to my monthly Rheumy visit last week. I always feel hopeful when I go there Maybe there is cure? Maybe I'm in remission? Maybe? Maybe? Maybe?????? I forget it's just routine for me to visit every month...
In the waiting room I see nothing but elderly people. I don't have gray hair yet or wear pull up pants with elastic waste bands yet. They are perfectly awesome folks. I just don't feel
I belong here. I see the old shoes and look at mine and they are cuter, but still comfy and boring. Where are the people who look like me?
I sit there waiting, the nurse comes in...blood pressure, temp, I take off my shoes my jewelry. I wait for Dr... He is kind and gives me time to ask
Questions and ask about new drugs I have heard of...that could help with side effects. He then gives me an exame he pokes me, squeezes my joints I yell OUCH!!! He says sorry Then he says I'm not getting any better, but worse. The nurse comes in and draws more blood and I wait for my scrips and hobble out to the parking lot.
From the car I make the usual calls... I call my husband.., Mom, Julie and Brigid. I get home and go to bed and pop a pain pill cause I will hurt from the exam that day... I keep going round and round every month. I am positive but sometimes it just sucks. It'd kind of like you go a few days in your week and you don't have to your Methotrexate or your biologic injections. Then that day comes and you are reminded OH CRAP IM SICK!!! I know we daily pills... but we are used to that. It reminds me of Christmas mornings after all the presents are opened and it's over... Every week it's that kind of feeling... Disappointed and tiring.. Do you know what I mean???
Know you are loved by me... We are in this together and you are not alone.