Holidays are a happy time, despite the stress in our lives. It is your choice to live without stress and be happy. You need to choose how, when, and whom you spend the Holidays with. So your parents want you to come to the traditional family gathering, or do they want you to host this year?? Your in-laws want you to come to their gathering. First question? Do they completely understand that you have RA and what that means... (NO) Does your sibling want you to drive two hours or travel a long distance to be with there family? Second question.. Do they understand completely that you have RA and traveling by car or plane is scary and could painful? (NO). Have you always wanted to start your own traditions? (YES) . I am choosing ME this year. I am creating my own family traditions with my husband and kids..and surrounding myself with friends who get what I am going through.
Don't get me wrong, I love my family and those traditions that came before RA. I will always cherish them. I have learned quickly what matters is my family and my life. My kids will only be little once and I want to share those memories with them. My family can have me on other occasions. Christmas and Santa are mine. This year I am walking and not in a wheel chair. I am not in the hospital, I am not in flair... and I want to bake cookies, and watch my kids eat to many of them on Christmas Eve. I want to be as pain free as possible and enjoy the love I have created in my household. One of the biggest gifts RA gave me was self awareness. LIFE IS SHORT.
It is my opinion that I have to come first, for the first time in my life. I am the one that is sick, and lets face it... I don't know how RA is going to change my life more than it already has. I know that someday far far down the road when it is my time to check out of life... I will not say... I wish I made that car ride to my sister's house, instead of baking cookies with my kids. It's that simple for me. I have matured to the level of self first, then others. I will not be going into remission if I choose to come last in life. I will be at my best by coming first, then I am the best for my husband and kids. That is my job now. Its a full time job caring for myself and taking control of my RA.
Giving to myself, is giving love to my family. May your gift this year be self awareness. Know you are loved by me...whatever choice you make. Merry Christmas to you and yours.
You definitely have the right frame of mind! Those kids only have 1 mother and memories are the greatest gift you can give them. Especially the oldest as she looks to you for guidance to navigate through this disease. My mother was sick when I was a child and I have many memories of holidays in the car for hours. We opened presents, got dressed, then left for a relatives house. Leaving the tree with tons of freshly unwrapped toys behind. No food fights while making cookies because my mom was to sick to clean up after. I think that's why I make my holidays simple. I don't spend all day cooking. I appreciate my family and the ones that support and make me happy. Good for you and here's to new traditions!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post Ms Piscopoke. Thank you x
ReplyDeleteSanta says Ho! Ho! Ho! Your stocking will be filled with lots of memories for years to come with you and yours. Many with chronic illness never get it and continue to try and please others while coping with pain and disease. If you stay true to yourself, not only will you feel better but your family will also feel better because you are happier, more relaxed and enjoying life. We will be making a pilgrimage back north for this holiday season but this has been planned. I am doing it now because I doubt I will have the energy or a co-driver in the future that I feel comfortable enough to drive with. And even though I know that trip is going to be "interesting" in regards to the 10-12 hour drive, I am confident it will be all worth it in the end. This will probably be my last trip north for the holidays but I am sooo looking forward to it. I learned only within the past four years that I must come first in this process. Realizing and practicing that has helped me sooo much. Happy holidays to you and yours!
ReplyDeleteI absolutely agree with your entire outlook. You have your own family and while extended family is wonderful, your own deserves your time, attention and to create those wonderful holiday memories with them.
ReplyDeleteRA runs so much of life in general, things we can not help but go along for the ride, but holidays memories, activities and quality time spent together is something we have control over. It's something that will forever be cherished not only by you, but by those closest to you.
Enjoy your holiday this year making those memories together. Savor every moment, because before too long they will be over and you will be longing for the day they were here again.
Merry Christmas to you and your family and have a fabulous time creating new traditions that will live on!!!